Anxiety, Why Are You Calling Me?
Pandemic anxiety
For many days I was confined to a hotel room due to a pandemic. As promised, I followed the protocol. I stayed in my room the entire time.
Eventually, someone came to pick me up. I was happy to leave.
The journey to our destination was long. I complained about my delayed flight and luggage to pass the time.
My driver’s expression indicated that he was not interested in my pandemic dilemma.
‘A note to myself, please pack extra items in your carry-on bag in case of delays.’ GOT IT!
We finally arrived at a house. My newly acquired room took many days to organize.
Finally, it was beautiful, and the environment was clean. Nevertheless, the owner suddenly changed his mind.
I had already spent far too much at the hotel. Therefore, I wasn’t interested in any changes.
My lodging became another source of my anxiety. The following day, I contacted a relative. Although, we have only spoken once since my mother passed away. Regardless, over the years, I have been kind.
I was glad to be taken away by a family member.
Unfortunately, the new environment made my anxiety worse. I found it difficult to sleep. Also, many things worried me. Due to the pandemic, I had to deal with additional circumstances.
As time dragged on, it became too much to handle. The ups and downs resulted in many setbacks. The unknown frightened me.
Oh, No! There were no flights available to any of my destinations.
With time on my hands, I began to dwell on the challenges I encountered during my journey.
Sadly, I had no way out of the country as long as the airports were closed. As the pandemic crisis progressed, I became more and more anxious.
During my occasional morning walks, I smiled and greeted everyone I encountered. In addition, I complimented people on their clothing and accessories. “Where can I purchase such beautiful items?” I inquired.
Unconsciously, there was a pause in my ability to think.
My brain refuses to let me remember that the things I inquired about came from me.
I felt trapped in both a foreign country and inside my own body. I saw myself like a child wailing for help, afraid to scream for fear of embarrassment. Even so, I hoped the right person would hear me.
Despite my anxious struggles, part of me felt that asking anyone for guidance was pointless. Nonetheless, I could be wrong.
In addition, I was afraid no one would understand. A feeling of fear, helplessness, and sadness overwhelmed me.
I spent most of my time in a small room with a single bed, dresser, and gated window.
I was glad to have brought my laptop along with me.
One afternoon I was sitting in my room using my laptop. I heard a voice call my name.
I believed it to be one of my very dear family members. It wasn’t uncommon for him to return home from work at that same time.
The call sounded urgent. I prepared myself mentally and physically to help in any way possible. The voice called me repeatedly.
As I responded, I ran to the door. “Yes! Hold on. I’m coming.”
The sound led me into the yard. My eyes searched the area, but I did not see anyone. Neither a person nor a vehicle was in sight.
It was evident that not a single person was around.
After such an experience, I felt both confused and embarrassed.
Nevertheless, I was relieved that no one had noticed my bizarre behavior.
Furthermore, I was frightened by the possibility that something that seemed real was unreal.
The inability to discern what was factual from what was not made me doubtful and insecure.
A feeling of disconnection overtook me.
The noise about the pandemic is everywhere!
As much as possible, I craved adequate sleep and positive thoughts.
At that moment, I decided to clear my mind from all my pandemic issues.
Conclusively:
Although I cannot control the pandemic, I have control over myself.
Inner strength and serenity are what I needed.
Helpful anxiety tips:
Breathe deeply through your nose, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Exercises like this help.
While walking or running, you can clear your mind and reduce stress by listening to your favorite music.
Talk to your friend who always makes you laugh/watch your favorite comedy show.
Best wishes!
